Monday, October 3, 2011

Husband-hunting, Part 1

Ever since I left school four months ago, my mom's favorite topics of conversation have narrowed down to two: find a job and find a husband. Now that I'm somewhat inching closer to the first, she's refocused all her efforts to the second. The same person who adamantly insisted that my distraction-addled brain couldn't possibly afford to think about anything else besides getting good grades for the past four years has now morphed into a vocal advocate of my marital fortune. She's also come to terms with, and graciously supported, my "writing aspirations" and is most likely (re: definitely) banking on me marrying rich, if she doesn't want to worry about me contentedly living off cup ramen for the rest of my adulthood. Despite having had relationship-resembling-but-not-really-a-relationship-type-things in the past, I've never brought home anyone to introduce to my family in that implied way and I think that is starting to be cause for concern. Though I've explained to her and my equally worried grandma that "serious" dating is a drag on my life that I don't have the tolerance to deal with right now and that I would only bring home someone who I already knew they'd approve of, their fears remain ever so fervent.

On the other hand, my dad, thankfully, still doesn't seem to consider me as someone who would be remotely interested in the opposite sex and gets extremely uncomfortable whenever my mom starts in on this angle of conversation. Hardly ever at a loss for musing commentary, he falls silent and waits for the moment to pass so we could get back to talking about Obama's reelection odds and the latest Newsweek cover. I'm actually quite scared of the day that I'll have to break it to my dad and say, "Surprise! I'm a girl! With a boyfriend!" More scared for whoever said boyfriend will be who has to face paternal inspection, but I guess meeting the parents is just one of those romantic rites of passage. A necessary evil. An appraisal of goods. A nerve-wracking, ego-crushing, soul-numbing experience. Look forward to it, guys!

A discussion over dinner at Syracuse, when they came to visit for the day:

Mom: So, what kind of qualities do you want in a guy?
Me: Why, are you going to find my husband for me?
Mom: Well, I just want to know in case I meet someone!
Me: Someone without too many emotions or feelings. Smart and responsible, but also playful. Christian, obviously. Good hygiene. Kind of tall.
Mom: So... someone like your dad!
Me: Uh, I guess.. (Dad laughs awkwardly)
Mom: Men like your dad are hard to find though.
Me: Well, I think I just need him to be kind of calm and mellow to balance out my crazy obnoxiousness.
Dad: (emphatically nods) I agree. That should be the first thing you look for.

Don't know if I should be insulted by his immediate (and rare) input, but I'm glad we're on the same page?


  1. i like your qualities in a husband..sounds delish.

    sarah lee, i cannot wait for the day your facebook relationship status goes from "single" to "in a relationship." hahahah, i'd want a full cover story.

    btw, i browsed through the "parents" section of the huffington post. i noticed it was under the "women" section, which is kind of sexist!! but excited nonetheless for your huffington adventures!

  2. eliza, i would also like to request a front-page spread when your status makes the epic relationship change. we can run our stories side by side, though i'm sure yours will be MUCH more intriguing.

    and LOL yeah parents is under women's but it's mainly cuz they're both new sections and have a lot of overlapping content.. BUT i will petition for huffpost men to be made and thrown in with the others too :P

  3. don't forget: must be willing to pig out with me but also be active to motivate me in partaking in physical activities with him